Shame!!

I should have kept my mouth shut.  After telling everyone of my plans to go on a curry expedition and a 6 hour bus ride things went horribly horribly wrong.  I left London at 11pm on Friday night and caught the National Express Bus to Newcastle.  I managed to get about 2-3 hours of sleep on the uncomfortable bus seats and then arrived at the Newcastle station at 6am Saturday morning.  Nothing opened for another 2 hours so I just sat in the cold and read until the sun came up and then I began my adventures.  I walked around and looked at the historical sites: Cathedrals, Roman Walls and the  Castle Keep.

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Despite the name of the city this particular castle seemed rather old.  I still had a few hours to kill before curry time so I continued my walkabout.  Newcastle is the city furthest away from London but still in England.  I really like the layout of the city.  It was small enough to be able to see all the major attractions on foot and it was clean and somewhat vibrant.  The mix of the youth culture from the college kids and the history was a nice touch.  I did hoove a boot offa heard time oonderstanding the loocals.  The accent was a little Irish and a lot Scottish.  The Newcastle natives, or Geordies as they are known, have a reputation for being a little bit crazy.

Here is a pic of everyone's favorite Tea Monger and abolitionist Earl Grey.
 

There is a huge monument to him in the middle of town and on this day there was a marching band on one side and a protest against deportation on the other.

But enough about culture.  I'll quit stalling and get the good stuff.  At about noon I headed up the stairs of Curry Capital and prepared to take on the challenge of Curry Hell, the Guinness record holding hottest curry.  Feeling rather sure of myself  I order a couple of chili beers to start with.  Then they  brought out the main dish.
 

This "bucket of pain" was about 3 times the size of a normal order of curry and as you can see was served in a metal pot that had to be composed of some sort of corrosive resistant material.  The curry itself had the consistency of a thick paste and was rife with chili seeds which kept getting caught in my teeth.  It was extremely hot, obviously, but about 1/2 way through my mouth went numb so that was working to my favor.  Oh one thing I forgot to mention when I ordered the food the owner came out and shook my hand and told me he was "honored" to have me there.  He also brought out a large sign which declared what I was doing, insuring that every eye in the place was focused on me.  I sweated my way through about 2/3 of the curry and then I had to take a break.  Suddenly my stomach, which never usually bothers me when I eat hot food, felt like it was full of broken glass.  It was at this point I decided to forgoe my pride and give up before I threw up.  Even though I didn't complete the challenge the owner still came and gave me a certificate and then made me do this.

About 5 minutes after this pic was taken I weakly asked "Where's the bathroom?"  The guy at the next table started laughing his head off.  He knew what was about to happen.  Without getting too graphic let me just say that the curry was much more painful on the way up than the way down.

I was convinced that this was an impossible task, and that no mere mortal could handle this fiery concoction.  After I got back to the table I asked the owner "Has anyone every done this before?"  His rely "Oh yes several people."  Great, I guess I am just a huge wimp.  I imagined all the others that had succeeded where I had failed.  "Mommy can we please go to Curry Hell for my 6th birthday party?  It's so yummy."  I am sure that old ladies go there all the time after church on Sunday for a bit of a warm up.  Maybe this is what they feed to sick Geordies who are too weak to keep down broth.

So now because I made sure to tell everyone that I knew what I was doing, I have had to recall the tale of my defeat at least 10 times so far with more to come I am sure.

Oh well, I guess it is good for me too learn a little humility.  I don't want to get too big a head after my INTERNATIONAL AWARD WINNING PERFORMANCE!!!!!